Waiting for the beat to kick in

To my left I hear two piercing-riddled youths discussing the latest episode of true blood and their various relationship problems. One laughingly attributes it to the fact that her boyfriend is not a mythological creature. Their mixture of incessant whining and celebration of sub-par television annoys me. However, I cannot seem to block it out so I begrudgingly accept it. As time goes on the conversation becomes a little more personal in tone, but apparently not deep enough to lessen the various references to vampire-related media. I briefly contemplate moving somewhere else, but after sitting through the former verbal slop I feel entitled to a period of the conversation that is mildly interesting. Dialogue is now centred on the violent tug-of-war between reality and idealism taking place in their lives. In actuality it sounds nowhere near as romantic as this. They chat about their dreams and how far away they are from them. Both girls try to hide it, but their voices give off a certain air of disappointment. In addition to the mild annoyance that has plagued me for the last half an hour, I now feel a sense of empathy. Everyone gives up dreams and aspirations nowadays and I'm no exception.

I can't really remember the dreams and aspirations of my childhood, but a few from the last couple of years come to mind. Rockstardom, writing and medicine seem to have been the main contenders. Whilst becoming a musician was almost definitely a pipedream, writing was always in the very least a possibility. A crippling fear of having to rely upon creative talent to make a living made sure that I put the notion of becoming a writer into the furthermost recesses of my mind. So I decided to pursue medicine. But now I feel lost, like I'm heading somewhere that I'm not sure I want to be. Maybe this is the path to medicine, but its much more likely that I'm just buckling to my fears like the coward I am. Superficially I try to convince myself that this is just a path to realising an aspiration. Deep down I know that I'm just following a career path that allows me to follow established practices instead of my own creative ability.